Never Have I Ever- Ten Things That Tell You All You Need to Know

Women of a certain age are nothing if not efficient. Dating can be time consuming, and women of substance want to use their time wisely. My friends and I came up with ten questions that will tell you everything you need to know about a person.

Asking these questions on a first date can be tricky, but it needs to be done. Some of my friends make a game of it. The older woman’s version of Never Have I Ever…

1) Have you ever been arrested or detained in any way in the last five years? Follow up question: Any current warrants out for your arrest? If you feel like you are not getting an honest answer, there is nothing wrong with checking for monitoring devices around the ankle. Trust me on this one.

2) Do you belong to any group that ends with the word anonymous. Follow up question: Do you have anyone you are required to check in with on a regular basis (could be a sponsor, a parole officer, or his mother— would want to know about any/all).

3) Do you smoke?

4) How would your ex describe you? This one is genius. I can’t take credit for it. However he answers it is telling.

5) Do you know/talk with two or three of your neighbors?

6) How often do you exercise?

7) What’s the last trip you have taken? What’s the trip you want to take some day?

8) What is the last good deed you have done?

9) How often do you talk with your children?

10) When is the last time you had a meal with: your mother/father, your sister/brother.

This last one is a biggie. Once you have established the person is sober and not wanted by the law, his relationship with his family is probably the biggest indicator of who he is.

I know a man who always talks about his family and their get togethers—birthday lunches, graduations, baby showers, etc. I told him I loved that he was close to his family. I told him it’s hard to find someone with a normal family. He laughed and said that they were all crazy— but they were crazy together. They disagreed and hurt each other’s feelings from time to time, but in the end, they all showed up when it mattered.

Maybe that’s the goal. At this age—or at any age, really—you’re not going to find a perfect person. Maybe he’s had too many speeding tickets. Maybe he used to like speed. Maybe he doesn’t see his mother but has other healthy relationships.

Our questions are not designed to rule out men. The questions are designed to give early insight so you know what you are dealing with. Nobody is going to be perfect. I think the trick is finding out what kind of imperfections you can accept.

One of my friends said it best. “I’m not looking for the perfect man. I’m just looking for the man who is perfect for me.”